A reader named Megan kindly commented last week asking if Nick and I have, as many other couples have, a particular song we call our own. Since I do love any excuse to talk about him, I thought I’d answer the question more formally – particularly since there are some eerie coincidences in the way our musical tastes have played out, with the turn our tale took 8 years ago.

As the “Ever Wedding” piece revealed, Nick and I do have a lot of coupledom quirks. And yes, we have a song. Two, actually. But one we’re set to dance to at our wedding.

(I must take a moment to explain why I still refer to Nick as if he’s alive, all these years after his disappearance, with no sign of him here on the property…yet. It’s because I still have hope. I still believe he’s alive somewhere here, just beyond reach. Perhaps a parallel existence. It’s tempting to talk about him as if he’s gone, because that’s easy. It’s harder to keep reminding myself there’s no proof he’s gone, because there ultimately isn’t. So please excuse the idiosyncrasy.)

Back on track. Our song is strange and untraditional – so in other words, it fits us perfectly.

In 1994 Nick toured Australia. For the most part he was doing a tourist thing, treating himself to an Aussie holiday. He spent time soaking up theatre in Sydney (he wanted to soak up the rays on Bondi Beach as well, but the beach was in the midst of a sewage issue at the time). He stargazed in the Outback. He even went opal mining in Coober Pedy. A few years later he had his prized opal refined and made into a striking pendant for me. I’ve taken a photo for you, seen above.

He couldn’t pass up the chance to investigate a few reportedly supernatural spots – you never know when you’ll find a gold mine of hauntings and can do a more formal investigation for media. Nick being Nick, with all his delightful vices come out to play on holiday, mostly poked around pubs and bars with stereotypical “former owner’s ghost moves glasses on tables” sort of “eyewitness accounts”. In other words, he didn’t investigate so much as drink his way through “haunted” places, accompanied by the many friends he made along the way. Nick has an incredible talent for making friends.

While he was in Australia he took in much of their culture. He heard their music, and went to some shows. One band he saw was legendary Australian act Hunters & Collectors. And before you jump the gun – no, our song isn’t “Throw Your Arms Around Me”, though I love that song and told Nick it would be a backup to our backup song (more on that shortly). Whether he liked it or not, because I’m not much of a singer, I’d serenade him with that tune.

Nick was especially inspired by the voice and presence of the band’s lead singer, Mark Seymour. Even here in the States Nick followed Mark’s career, as he went solo in 1997. Thanks to his Aussie friends, Nick was able to import gig recordings and even a bootleg preview of a song that wouldn’t make its official entrance onto the Australian music scene until after Nick vanished. When we heard the infectious spirit of the song, called “Try Not to Try”, with its gorgeous melody and great tempo, we were hooked. I knew straight away we’d dance to it at our wedding someday, even if the opening line “you’re not the one I chose to love” might confuse some guests…

As it turns out, the lyrics seem to have been rather prophetic. I’ve included them here and highlighted what I mean. And you can hear a clip of and download the song here.

You’re not the one I chose to love, but you’re the best I’ve ever had.
I don’t know if it’s meant to be this way. My second skin, I wear you well.
And I will try not to try too hard.
Though I’m sure to be home late once in a while.
Have faith in me. How could I forget you when I’m gone?

You know the fool when he shows his face, he’s been around so many times before.
You stood your ground while he made the windows shake and rattle.
You laid a feast and the beast came down.
And I will try not to try too hard.
Though I’m sure to be home late once in a while.
Have faith in me. How could I forget you when I’m gone?

You stood your ground while he made the windows shake and rattle.
You laid a feast and the beast came down.
And I will try not to try too hard.
Make sure to be home late once in a while.
Have faith in me. How could I forget you when I’m gone?
How could I forget you when I’m gone?
And I will try not to try too hard.

It reminds me of what happened during Rose Red ’s cluster manifestations that signaled the house was waking. By all accounts the windows certainly did shake and rattle! (Nick only encountered a cluster manifestation one other time, when visiting the home of a possessed woman in Kent, England with his mentor. I’ll tell you about that another time.) But more than that, wasn’t the entire Rose Red expedition like laying a psychic feast for Rose Red who, being a hungry beast, descended on the party? I’m sure I’m over-thinking it, but part of me likes the connection. I’ve even thought of of writing a letter to Mark, assuming he’d even get it, telling him our story and asking him what he meant by those lyrics. But I think it’s best left unclear, because I want to believe the rest is true, too. Nick hasn’t forgotten me even though he’s gone…and when he gets back, it will simply be as though he’s come home late.

We thought “Try Not to Try” would make an unusual but memorable first dance. Upbeat and fun to dance to – we’ll take some lessons to learn a few fancy moves. At the same time it’s not so fast that we can’t sway and whisper sweet nothings…

The “backup” I mentioned is the only other song we considered making our first dance. And we’ll still have the DJ play it at some point. It’s Peter Gabriel’s “Here Comes the Flood”. The song is apparently about what it would be like if suddenly we could all hear each other’s thoughts, as if a constant blast of radio chatter invaded our consciousness. What would it be like if we all became mind readers? What would we have to sacrifice to find some peace and quiet? I don’t have to explain why the song is therefore special to us. See for yourself (and you can preview and download the song here):

When the night shows the signals grow on radios.
All the strange things, they come and go as early warnings.
Stranded starfish have no place to hide, still waiting for the swollen Easter tide.
Theres no point in direction, we cannot even choose a side.

I took the old track, the hollow shoulder, across the waters.
On the tall cliffs they were getting older, sons and daughters.
The jaded underworld was riding high. Waves of steel hurled metal at the sky.
And as the nail sunk in the cloud, the rain was warm and soaked the crowd.

Lord, here comes the flood.
We will say goodbye to flesh and blood.
If again the seas are silent in any still alive,
it’ll be those who gave their island to survive.
Drink up, dreamers, you’re running dry.

When the flood calls, you have no home, you have no walls.
In that thunder crash you’re a thousand minds within a flash.
Don’t be afraid to cry at what you see; the actors gone, there’s only you and me.
And if we break before the dawn, they’ll use up what we used to be.

And just while I’m on the subject, and for the benefit of those who don’t know Hunters & Collectors, here are the lyrics to the aforementioned backup-to-backup, “Throw Your Arms Around Me” (you can preview and download the song here).

I will come for you at night time
I will raise you from your sleep
I will kiss you in four places
I’ll go running along your street
I will squeeze the life out of you
You will make me laugh and make me cry
We will never forget it
You will make me call your name and I’ll shout it to the blue summer sky
We may never meet again
So shed your skin and lets get started
And you will throw your arms around me

I dreamed of you at night time
And I watched you in your sleep
I met you in high places
I touched your head and touched your feet
So if you disappear out of view
You know I will never say goodbye
Though I try to forget it
You will make me call your name and I’ll shout it to the blue summer sky
We may never meet again
So shed your skin and lets get started
And you will throw your arms around me

Wow. Reading them now, they’ve become important to me in a whole new way. They’re applying to my life more and more.

I’m off to shower now and get ready to face the day. You can be sure I’ll be singing that song.

After all, I used to sing it to him when he was here, when I could see him and touch him and smell him…why should I stop simply because I can’t find him with my five senses? That doesn’t mean he’s not still here, somewhere and somehow.

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