Well folks…I am back in the saddle, and apologize wholeheartedly for the massive delay in updates (and Twitter, for those who follow me there).

Steve did a good job filling you in, though I didn’t actually intend him to scan the to-do note, he couldn’t help himself. He is a mischief maker.

I was up in Oregon forever, looking after my mom and doing my work remotely. I missed this place like crazy, this home of mine, even if it’s complex and sometimes a little scary. I missed knowing somehow I was close to Nick. If he was dead I could say “I feel him with me everywhere”. But he isn’t…I fully believe that…so I don’t feel him everywhere. I only once in a while feel him here in my Rose Suite. Or, at least I like to think I feel him.

I came home exhausted last night. Steve picked me up at the airport and helped me get settled, because I really was just at the end of my rope. All is OK with my parents now but it took a lot out of me. Plus I’ve spent the whole time being upset that I couldn’t be closer to Emery and Mary with all they’ve been going through. And I’ve missed Steve, and Seattle!

I have so much to show you. Steve’s received a lot of responses to his letter, and I have been doing research and writing some interesting things. Keep an eye out!

I went to bed almost immediately last night and had the strangest dream.

It was actually strangely comforting. I dreamed I was in Ellen’s room standing before her writing desk and flipping through the pages of her diary. Then suddenly, I was drawn to her bed. I walked over and stepped onto the platform, and realised I was wearing a white flowy, old fashioned nightgown. I was just staring at Ellen’s bed, the seat of so many powerful memories. I felt a presence behind me and turned…it was Ellen and Sukeena, looking as they did in old photographs, beautiful and strong.

Ellen beckoned me to the bed and with a tear sliding down my face I climbed in and Sukeena tucked me in. I said to Ellen, “I’m so tired, so tired,” and I think I meant more than simply physical exhaustion. She placed her hand on my foot through the covers and Sukeena took hold of my hand. I closed my eyes, and when I woke up still in the dream, I was laying nude half atop Nick, still in Ellen’s bed, my face resting on his chest.

I gazed into his piercing eyes and cried, “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you…” He simply smiled and stroked my hair. I kissed him softly and went back to resting against his chest. I said, “Can we wake up now?”

And then I did. Alone again.

I’m still trying to digest it all. I will write again once I’ve recovered from my trip a bit. Thank you all for your patience and continuing to read…

Posted in: Personal | |
Post tags: ellen, emery, nick, steve, sukeena

1 Comment

1. Welcome Back.

   Emery and I left you a few phone messages and were unsure if you got them.

   We have also unfortunately let our internet presence slip quite a lot. Aftering suffering from the ghost echo that was haunting me, I have since recovered, although it was a very very slow recovery.

   And my father, who I haven’t spoken to in years found our site and scared that he might not ever see me again, came to visit.
   He didn’t even know I was engaged, as the last time we spoke was when I was about 21 or so.

   It’s nice to see that you are back and also doing well.

   And I hope Steve didn’t get into to much trouble.

   Comment by Mary — May 22, 2009 @ 9:56 pm

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