It’s true. I did disappear for six years.

But it’s not quite what you think.

You may recall there was some drama back in the spring of 2002 when I went “missing” and my friend Jenn posted the story of my disappearance to my old journal. Unfortunately, because I’ve lost some of those pages, I can only remember bits and pieces of what she said. But based on what I do recall I’ll reconstruct the scene and explain why I am in fact not gone, as is probably obvious from the fact that you’re reading this!

I met Steve Rimbauer for dinner one evening, which is not an unusual occurrence. I’ve seen Steve quite regularly in the years since the Rose Red expedition. I’ll catch you up on that in another post another time. But suffice to say Steve and I having a night out was becoming par for the course, after the initial awkward period when I moved into the condo. What wasn’t par was the massive argument we had about my continued residence in the TechStar complex and my tireless search for Nick…

Steve is understandably terrified of Rose Red, more than he even was as a child, and refuses to come near the property. Even to this day he hasn’t visited me here, and that was what sparked the confrontation between us that night. You may remember I was experiencing some really odd phenomena, particularly with my computer, that I felt related to Joyce…or Joyce’s spirit. As time passed and I got more and more caught up in trying to find what little may have been left of Rose Red and bring it back to life, I grew more desperate. I guess you could say I was a little like Joyce by the time I had dinner with Steve that night.

And I would have stopped at nothing to achieve my goal. Ultimately to find Nick, but at the time I felt the only way to do that was to bring through anyone and anything I could, to rouse the very essence of Rose Red. I knew, and still know in my heart of hearts, that Nick is here to help the spirits Rose Red claimed. And believe me. Just because the house is gone doesn’t mean Rose Red is gone.
(Continue reading…)

Archive: The Present (Penned on this site’s inception, 3/18/02)

As stated in the page about Nick, I’m currently in the process of packing up and getting ready for relocation into my new TechStar condominium, in Seattle WA. They’ve done a “fast track” construction of a large number of condos there. Essentially “Lego” construction with a brick facade. I doubt it’s the highest of quality but I don’t care. I’d pay anything to be on the spot where my love disappeared in May. And most people will pay huge amounts to be on the location, perhaps the best spot in all of Seattle, for view and proximity to places of business.

The date the condos should be ready is mid-April ‘02. Less than a year from Nick’s disappearance and just over 7 months from the date Rose Red was razed. Amazing how fast construction goes up in desirable areas; and amazing how a corporation with enough money can get the ball rolling at lightning speed. TechStar is one hell of a well-oiled machine!

I’m bringing all of our belongings, every last one. Most of our furniture is old and shabby–we picked it up at garage sales and hand-me-downs from my family. But it was ours, and it was so special to us. The chairs where we relaxed, the bed where we slept, and made love…I cannot bear to part with any of it.

It’s taken me these long 10 months to put together our story for all of you to read, because it’s been intensely difficult for me to cope with Nick’s absence. I feel like he’s so close–in my dreams, in my thoughts–but so very far from me when I’m awake. It’s my hope that moving to the Rose Red site will help me be physically “with” Nick, while at the same time working to free his soul from that which binds it. If he can pass on and wait for me in paradise, he and I both can be at peace.
(Continue reading…)